So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
