Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
