1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
