she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
