You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
