I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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