I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
