best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
