***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
