3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
