Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
