If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
