you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
