He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
