Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
