After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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