i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
