Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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