aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
