literally had 100 drinks last night.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
