So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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