You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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