you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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