your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
