my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Success! We fucked roommates!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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