Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
