there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
