someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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