I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
