I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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