im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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