I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
