your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
