i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
