He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
