we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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