Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
