I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
