Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
