Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
