my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
