Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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