I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
