All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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