Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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