If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.