Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
