i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
