She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
