I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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