Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
