clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
