Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
