She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
