Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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