now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
