Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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