I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
