I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
