what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
