this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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