Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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