you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
