Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
