Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
