Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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